The Circle Of Fear..

i didn't know what to do exactly after what i heard, i hung up without leaving a message, hoping my number didn't get stored there as a caller with no message, and he'll know about it, so i had to act fast, so i sent him a message, saying that i need to talk to him.. he didn't reply at first, after 2 hours, i got a reply saying: i'm at starbucks now.. come and we'll talk.. i got ready fast and went there, i found him in our favorite corner.. or at least it used to be so.. he said: finaly you decided to show up, it's been a while.. i didn't say anything, kept looking at him, and he said after 15 minutes of constant staring: aren't we gonna say anything? like for example.. why did you block me on msn? i said: you didn't come online for a long time, so i thought you didn't wanna talk to me anymore, and i already have lots of people on my msn, so i had to clear some space.. he said: so thats what i am to you, just a space on your msn, right? i said: you know you're more than that, don't be like this now.. he said: fine, how are your exams, and your university? i said: all going ok, i got exams next week, he said: good luck.. i said: and your exams? he said: actually very bad, there was a fire in our house a week ago, and my dad is in the hospital now.. and i'm doing like crap.. at that exact moment, all i felt like was reaching out to touch his hand.. i simply felt as if i was with my guy again.. there was this silence again, and i suddenly said without thinking: do we still stand a chance? he said that depends on one thing, what is the chance that you want? in the last week, that was the worse week of my life, and i totally felt like i want to die, but i had to be the person that everyone knew, the fake smile and the whole package, but inside of my, i used to feel like i'm dying, i needed someone to be my friend, my love, to kiss me, to hold me when i feel like i got nothing in this world.. i simply needed you, but you didn't even care, or at least thats what i thought.. i said: in the last month, on the way to and back from university, i used to think about you all the time, i felt like i want to be in a world where i can be with you, without having to fake anything or any emotions, he said: that doesn't change anything, you weren't there when i needed you, it only takes only 2 seconds to say i love you, but it takes a lifetime to show it.. and you simply didn't make me feel like i could go on in such a relationship, you were the one who said: i'm done first. i said: i wasn't thinking clear back then, all that i want is to show you how i really feel, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and hopefully what i did didn't kill what was between us, and it will make it only stronger.. he said: well.. i need some time, i will think about it and let you know.. i said: at least give me a sign.. something to live on.. he said: walk with me. we walked to the corner where we first kissed, and he looked me in the eye, and he said: if you're asking about my heart, its still yours, i shouldn't have let you go in the first place, even if you act like such a buffoon stupid irrational idiotic unreasonable jackass.. i said: are you done? he said: i think so.. and i kissed him, it lasted for almost 4 seconds, before he said: i'm mad at you, don't come near me, you can say enjoy my back saying goodbye to you. he walked away, i wanted to feel that he was saying that after we we're back together, like he's just trying be a little bit of a bitch on his guy.. but i didn't know what to think anymore, i was simply caught in the middle of my own circle of fear...