More & More Everyday...

Hey again... this post is a follow-up to the previous one.. because more and more everyday i feel more frozen inside.. i'm very stubborn, i seldom listen to other people, simply because i don't care about what they think about me. Music affects me a lot.. whenever i hear a song that moves something inside of me, i remember all the things related to that thing/person.. for example, the soundtrack of the movie Material Girls "Material Girl" by Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff made me even more stubborn about holding on to my concepts, that real love doesn't exist. that we only live in a material world, and no one really cares to anything but money.. and that Mr. Right is the guy with the cold hard cash.. those became more and more one of my most profound and basic principles.. so i decided to throw my heart away, because simply it doesn't wanna work no more, because whenever i see a couple holding hands or just looking like they're in love.. my heart starts to have this weird feeling.. as if its saying: hey, why can't i have that? i remember that when i went to Belgique when i was 16.. my friend Alma wanted to us to go to a square in Zaventem called "Minnaars Stroken" which means "Lovers Square".. and i really couldn't stay there for 5 more than 10 minutes.. what i saw was really frustrating for me, "the love was in the air" letteraly.. i had to go back to Laurence's place and i cried, i cried because i just saw what i lost. i went to Belgium too cool down after a breaking up with Joel. my first bf, but not my first love, because when i look back at what i'm supposed to have with my boyfriend.. was simply what i never had.. and will never have, real love. don't ask why, i just know.